Today during lecture, two stroke of geniuses struck me. The 1st being a new theory of life, the 2nd being an invention!
As I was extremely bored, I was languishing in my thoughts when I realised the 'I love Jac' written on my eraser (by Jac hor, not me) was fading. And this beautiful thought popped into my mind! Jac is slowly being erased from my life! Lending this analogy to a broader perspective, all things in life gradually fade away as time passes by. The only way to preserve it is to not use the eraser at all, which will defeat the purpose of the eraser. Even if you were to write over with new words, it will never be the same again. Hah! Such ingenuity!
Through my discussions the night before, and during the course of the day, another brainwave hit me. I was like, stoning in lecture, then suddenly, EUREKA!!! An invention! So, are you all excited to hear this history-changing, time-stopping, earth-shaking idea? Ready? I thought of...
A LIFE SIZED HUMAN DOLL WITH AN IN-BUILT HEATER!!
Why that? Well, I realised that people sometimes don't like to cover blankets, and everyone's only too happy to be hugged by another person. So I've decided to combine the two together. Such intelligence, such ingenuity, such brilliance, don't you think? I should get a Nobel prize for this!
Anyways, I figure I should expound more on the wonderful uses of my doll. I shall call it the Warmth Provider (TM) Doll!! When you're feeling cold at night, just activate the doll, and you've got something warm to hug. Better yet, you can set it to hug you instead, so you can feel loved and protected! Best thing for those working adults who think they need no partners, but can't help feeling lonely at night!
For those lovebirds separated by distance, the Warmth Provider (TM) Doll can be ordered with an optional speaker and microphone set that will allow you to talk to your partner while you lie on the bed at night. It feel like your partner is virtually by your side all through the night!
So hurry, make your preorders with me now! While stocks last.
Aw... My draft for Chron got rejected... I was hoping I'd get a chance to rewrite, but apparently it's either too bad, or there's not enough time left. I hope at least I can get one picture published. Just for the kicks of seeing my name in print, haha.
Saw something today that inspired me. It's been there all along, but the thought just never struck me. I'm inspired to try to grow up a bit. To be more independant. 6 years and a half out here on my own, and I never really grew much, never really learnt to rely on myself. Now I suddenly feel inspired to try.
I was always so fearful of being alone, still am. But I guess if I just accept it, it's not that bad after all. And if I sit in it for awhile longer and look around, I'm not that alone after all. And I realised what makes all those people I admire is the fact that they are not afraid of being alone. Once they free themselves of that fear, they are able to walk in and out of social circles freely and easily, and are less sensitive to the way people treat them.
So today, I'm gonna grow up. I'm gonna stop whimpering like frightened babe whenever I'm alone. I'm just gonna spend that time doing the things I should be doing.
Oh yeah, what did I see? I saw a confident, independant person. I saw someone who leads a life somewhat like mine, but instead of moping, lives it happily. I saw someone more mature than me.
Auditory : 43%
Visual : 56%
Left : 47%
Right : 52%
Spike, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.
You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.
You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.
With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.
Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.
In the desperate attempt to calm my panicking self, I decided to look for my longest blog entry and subject it to APA style referencing to convince myself that 10 pages is chicken feet.
My efforts have only served to inspire more panic.
I realised that my longest entry here is only about 900 words. That's pretty pathetic. But then again, I'm not writing thesis essays, so I guess 900 is like waaaay too much already. Oh well. I average about 600 words, which incidentally is the word limit for opinion articles! Hah! I am so made for it man, hehe.
Anyways. Not too bad la. I crapped 3 pages already. Hopefully the remaining 7 will be less painful. I highly doubt so.
What a way to start my morning. Woke up at 8 this morning to run some admin errand that was a total wild goose's chase. I'm like yawning madly now and I think I'll take a short nap in a moment.
So early into the term, way before I'm into any sub-coms or ad-hocs, I've already had my 1st brush with NTU admin. It's not impressive, I'll tell you that. The only thing is that the people are rather nice, or rather, polite. SAO guy kinda pissed me off with his smirking top-down talk, and his 'this is policy' shit, which is the thing I hate to hear the most.
SRC peeps were more helpful in volunteering alternatives, and cracking a few jokes. Except for that last guy who came in outta nowhere, gave a rude remark, and a nonchalant acknowledgement when I thank them. In fact, I was thanking the other guys, not him. He wasn't one bit helpful. Hmph. That's why I hate people who are in mediocre positions of power. Argh. Maybe I should write an opinion article on that. Haha.
In the end, I couldn't get what I was supposed to do, done. Was supposed to submit some booking form on behalf of a friend. Sigh. Seem to be unable to accomplish the easiest of tasks these days.
Just watched some Olympics boxing. Feel so inspired again...
Actually, I really do miss it a lot. Wasn't a good boxer to start with, but the feeling of being in a ring, of taking on someone one-on-one, and throwing in a good punch, it's unrivaled. Even getting hit got me on high. Hmm, come to think of it, I took quite a lot of heavy ones, but still...
Hey, on the upside, my kicks were good! Haha. But by now, I think I totally cannot make it again. Will go back for training soon, once uni settles down, and I can drag myself out to travel the 1.5 hours...
- Trying to win an argument with an irrational (stupid) person is like trying to teach a cat to snorkel by providing written instructions. No matter how clear your instructions, it wouldn't work. ~ Scott Adams -
Wah. Feeling very jovial today. Maybe it's coz that fever song has been ringing in my head, and it just makes me feel so amused whenever I sing it. Or maybe it's the fact that I took my 1st few shots with an SLR camera on my 1st Chronicle photography assignment!
Oh man, I'm so bloody excited. Being the gadget freak I am, an SLR is such an amazing new mystery!! Don't really know how to use it yet, but holding it makes me feel so much more superior to all you normal camera users out there already. Muahahah. Unfortunately, my bonding time with it was cut short by uncharged batteries. 10 shots into my assignment, and I already had to retire. The pictures turned out pretty dark as well. Too bad.
On a different note altogether, people are getting good at discerning foreigners. Nowadays I get that 'are you local?' thing a lot. Some say it's my accent, the way I speak, which is very strange, coz I'd have thought all those would have disappear by now. But today, history is created. Someone said I was foreign because of my skin colour!!! To quote, 'dark, but not the Singaporean kind of skin colour, Singaporeans not this colour...' I'm so amused!! Haha. I suppose maybe she took too many photos until she can tell people by shades of their skin colour? Highly doubt so though, probably just a lucky guess...
Actually, stepping into the Chronicle room brings back so many memories. Makes me feel so nolstalgic again. Of council, and of council room. I think it's such a wonderful thing to have a room all to yourself. And you can stay back with your pals and work late into the night, in the privacy of your very own room with company you enjoy. That, is bliss. Sigh. I miss those moments, and I am dying to relive them again. Wonder if I'll ever get the chance.
1st presentation in Uni. Prof Kesh was falling asleep on my topic. Sigh. I really need to stop being so sciency, or at least, expressing my sciency interest in my projects, since I can't make it interesting enough for them.
That aside, I waited 2.25 hours for my interview with CAC. Was running for programme main com. Becaused of the long waiting time, I missed my block rep rally. I wasn't due for winning anyway, but still felt kinda disappointed... Somehow can't help feeling that if I had been back in time, it might have made a difference.
Now I have nothing left to get me points. Shall just have to cross my fingers and wait. Hope I get into the programme main com.
Feeling very spoilt now. Not spoilt as in someone spoilt me, but rather, acting very bratty.
Sometimes, I think I just need a good whomping on the ass to wake me up a bit. Instead, I just sit down there and throw mini tantrums like some rich-ass baby. Or maybe some good old fashion lurving will do me good as well, hehe.
It's one of those moments I wish my parents were millionaires and could pamper me with all the material goods in the world. Actually, a personal maid would suffice. Ahh... My poor lazy bones are overworked...
Finally. 90% of my 1st project presentation is complete. 26 slides. That's freaking excessive and over the top. Back in S paper days, about 13 slides make an hour. And now I'm worrying if 26 can reach half an hour. Such paranoia.
1st quiz returned. Argh. Didn't do very well, despite studying for it. Yes. I really did study, in spite of myself. Heh. Looks like I don't have much talent for this field. Oh well.
I'm running for block rep, yay! 20 points, here I come! But just realised that there's quite a tough competition. And I'm quite a liar. I frown at my neighbours, and yet I claim to want to know everyone in my block. I do want to la, but shy can?
You know what? This is getting on my nerves. I should blame it on myself, but I'm getting more and more convinced it's bad luck that's been hitting me.
Went for inter-block snooker today. And I lost all the games I played. Every single one of them. Even the ones I played with Vignesh in Clarke Quay today, which has nothing to do with IBG. Argh. Fine, granted that I'm a shitty snooker player, and hence got my ass whumped. But I am not, AM NOT a shitty billiards player.
Other than that one IBG game, the rest were billiard games. Everytime I was leading, something dumb will happen. Like that guy getting in 4 balls in a row through plain fluke. Or me pocketing the black ball. Or whatever else. I'm not an expert, but my opponents were very obviously lower in skill than me!!
Sigh. Maybe it's just fated eh. I got no face left. Everyone in that room saw how I lost all my games. The grins and snickers are already etched into my memory. Oh, the shame, the shame! I shall not step foot into Nanyang house again. Ever.
I just love my life.
Edit: Just now one of those guys walked pass me, and he had a perpetual grin plastered to his face, one of those humoured look. I SO need to dig a hole to hide in.
Since it's the 1st show in some time, I shall be less critical.
Ok, the initial intention was to watch a brainless show with lotsa blood, gore, and screaming. I was disappointed to say the least. I mean, where's the blood gushing out of headless human bodies, or speared corpses raised to the sky in celebration of the kill?
Alright, since the predators didn't deliver much gore, how about the aliens? Man, there wasn't a single scene of a proper alien attack. As in, pierced by the tail, or punched through the head by that mouth thingy. Not a single proper scene. All they have is those corner views, where you see blood spraying out from nowhere.
And then, finally, the 3 predators against the alien hoard. I had so much respect for those 2m towering giants, with their advance technology and excellent physique. A normal predator is supposed to be able to fend off the standard alien with its spear, if not claws. The 1st predator died in seconds, to a single alien. Which btw, proceeded to slaughter the 2nd predator, after some lousy fight scene. What happened to all that cool warrior instinct and superhuman strength + reflexes? Blah.
3rd one survived longer. But didn't really do much killing either. The excitement was supposed to be the face off between aliens and predators, but the action was far and few between. At least not enough for me. I like to see predators killing aliens by the hoards, until the get taken down by the excessive numbers, and not a single alien killing a single predator.
I was going for Aikido, and sitting there, I saw Jeremy, who said something about me. Man, it's been what, 7 years since I saw him? Couldn't hear what it was, but he smiled at me, and I smiled at him. Then suddenly, we found ourselves in outer space, everyone in Aikido that is. There was an emergency, and we had to eject through escape pods.
Reentry was hellish. The pods were already damaged during ejection, but fortunately we didn't burn up. Parachutes didn't exactly open either. Still, we landed. Unfortunately, everyone died of toxic chemicals, except me. Haha. So crappy.
Then I dreamt of mom smoking. Now that's rare. I was so agitated. It was like talking to a wall, coz she just kept puffing away. Then there was this guy who was also puffing away while singing a song that I really liked, but can't recall which song it is.
Sigh. It's the 1st dream I can recall so vividly in ages. Haven't had a good rest in ages eh.
It's a beautiful morning, isn't it? Everything's quiet, save for the gentle pitter patter of rain right outside the window. Weather's cool, and there's no one in the room but me. Feels like I'm the only one in the world. And it's a good feeling, this one.
It's days like this, I suddenly feel the world is so beautiful, so gorgeous, so worth living for. I dunno why, but I've always loved rainy days. It kicks up this warm, fuzzy feeling inside, as if everything terrible would be washed away, and when the rain stopped, life would feel fresh and clean again.
I remember how I'd used to sit by the window, and stare into the rain, simply enjoying the serene moment, the poignant beauty of it all. I'd sing to the sky, and it'd provide the gentle background beat from the falling droplets of water. Sometimes I'd tried to write, and they'd keep me company. Once in awhile, I'd just go sit in the rain and soak myself to the bone. There's just something magical about rain, isn't it?
The thing I love most, is the chills. Weird, but I enjoy the coolness and the coldness. I enjoy the shivering in the rain, that feeling that despite being chilled to the bone, I was still warm inside, that I was still alive. As long as I was alive, I could weather through any storm, and find whatever it was I was looking for. And I could sit for hours, rain against my body, with water, water, and more water, and it was heavenly bliss. The contrast of cold and warmth made for such a bittersweet feeling.
In the little corner of my heart, that's when I start to make wishes and hopes, that somewhere in my life, there is more warmth to be found. That's when I believe rainbows will appear after the rain, and someone can come and towel me dry. And maybe one day, someone would come and sit in the rain with me, and we can both shiver while we laugh, warmed by what's in our hearts.
Till then, every rainy day is a promise, that one day, I will wake up to brand new day, a fresh new start. Since this heart of mine will not cry, then let the skies be my tears.
Hmm. Blogger does not support chinese or japanese characters. Sux0r. Need to practice for upcoming JLPT 3.
Anyways. Past 2 days have been rather down. Living in constant guilt and apprehension. But I guess it's still pretty calm so far. Scary. Shall just lay low for now I guess, no need to further fan the flames.
Hope there will be a resolution to this... Or perhaps this is how it ends...
Something done with good intentions, in bad taste, on the sudden spur of the moment has turned extremely sour. Guess I'm pretty much more insensitive than I thought. Or rather, sensitive in all the wrong places.
But what's done is done, sorry is no cure, so I'll just bear the consequences. I apologise, and I fervently hope I can do something to make it up to you. If there's any way, let me know. I was hoping it'd lighten up those who read it a bit, provide some excitement and a few good laughs, but seems like I've only managed to piss people off with my twisted sense of humour. If you do not wish to forgive me, I guess I understand, and I'll just fuck off.
One thing's for sure though, you'll look at me from a different light from now on. And all I can say is sorry.
I do. I believe that they happen to anybody but me. So here I am, constantly, everyday, hoping that it will be my turn for a miracle, but never really believing it will happen to me.
What miracle do I want? Oh, I don't know. Any miracle will do. Any miracle will bring tumultous joy will it not? That's what miracles are supposed to do. But right now, it wouldn't hurt to have a complete makeover miracle.
Top 5 Reasons why I want a complete makeover:
5. So I don't have to spend time in front of the mirror. I could walk to school in pyjamas and everyone would still call me a sex god. Hell, I'd walk in naked, and we'd have mass orgies! Hmm, I'd be so hot that the professors will turn gay, and I'll get my As.
4. Then I wouldn't need to bathe. Or brush teeth. Or whatever other troublesome form of personal hygiene. My worshippers will be too busy kissing and licking me for me to get very much dirty. Something like how animals clean each other eh?
3. Everything will be free! FREE FREE FREE!!! No more paying for stuffs. People will just pamper me and shower gifts, just so they can come within 3 feet of me and bask in my godly presence. And then they'll whip out their wallets, kneel on the floor, and wail at me to take their cash!
2. While we're at it. That pretty much means I got a whole buncha slaves and I don't hafta do much of anything does it... Ah. Eternal relaxation. It'd mean I'll get fat too, but what the hell, it's a miracle, and you don't get fat in miracles, not if you're a sex god. Oh yeah, and not in movies either.
1. We can finally make love, not war! With me no less! Muahahaha... Just sex, sex, and more sex... Oops. I mean love. Love and more love!
See? It's all for greater good! God please send me a miracle soon... I've been waiting 18 years already. Make me a sex god, and you'll have loads of fun too, hehe.
I wonder why it's taking so long for this miracle to happen man. Not like it's too much to ask or something.
Sometimes you get one chance and you blow it. Sometimes you get many chances and you still blow it.
Tonight I was bad company. I realised my adaptive self cannot really manifest after I've been doing some thinking. Must be brainless only can one. Or else will end up brooding alot.
Paparazzi was good and bad at the same time. Out of the 7 plays, only 3 left a lasting impression. But still, I found myself wondering if I could ever act that well, and should I even bother trying to audition. I guess there's no harm trying.
Did a bit of singing yesterday, or rather, early this morning, but my voice came out rather bad. Been thinking about joining singing competitions recently, still rather inspired by the jazz thingy, haha...
Was watching Singapore Idol just now, and saw this gal who reminded me so much of Keas. Same look, same speaking style, with bracers/retainers to boot. See? I think of you so much kay. You should be honored!
Anyways. Today's one was a bit moving at one part, where this deaf lady and this speech impaired guy came up to sing as well. I thought it was pretty amazing. And inspiring.
I'm now rooting for Tiffany, 16, the Keas lookalike! Hehe...
Was watching Singapore Idol just now, and I gotta admit, those guys are doing a good job at looking stupid. I lose even in that department?! That's ridiculous! Haha... Oh well, what to do.
This isn't exactly the best time to be moping, but it's a lazy Sunday afternoon, and I just failed to get into archery.
Considering it from a very calm and objective point of view, where then, does my talent lie? I'm not intelligent enough in terms of academia. I can't even make it into a simple thing as archery, despite practicing for it. Other aspects of life are even worse and I don't feel like mentioning it.
Where will I excel? Must I simply accept that I'm a total and complete failure? I resent that. But yet, that is exactly what is slamming me in the face right now. I always thought I knew where I stood. Not exceptionally good, but never bad either. And right now, life is telling me that I thought too highly of myself.
Sigh. If I buy it, then what. Mediocrity for the rest of my life. Is there no place I can succeed? Then there isn't much point in this life anymore. Floating along aimlessly in the river of life, a stepping stone for any other who wish to cross the river.
Sometimes, I should just not go for things I cannot handle. But of course, the temptation is always there, and somehow I delight in tormenting myself by trying out to see what happens anyway. This morning was disaster.
Afternoon was pretty ok, but evening kinda turned sour again. I didn't expect to be PMS-ing, considering that afternoon was a pretty chatty event, meeting up with Lian Chiu and all. Not that I mind being a prop and all, but I feel pretty guilty that I might spoil the evening.
It's a dilemma isn't it? Stoning there, I hope nobody notices, so that don't ruin it, and they can enjoy themselves. On the other hand, I fervently wished that someone would care, and that'd mean a lot. But if they did care, then what? It's not like I'd say anything, or that I could even try explaining. Just a mood swing. I'm such a hypocrite. Blah.
Slowly slipping back into loner and anti-social mode. Guess it kinda started with the fact that I was still sleepy when I stepped off the train to meet them. Tried to get in a word or two, but as usual, my soft mumbling failed to be heard. Must have been extra touchy today, coz that kinda turned off my mood for talking anymore. I'm a big baby. Haha.
What's next man, what's next? I can't keep this cheerful part of me up any longer. The grouchy side wants to kick in. Sigh.
Listening to her conversation, I can't help but smile to myself. This is one of the moments I feel in the mood for love again. Sigh. I'm falling in love with love all over again. When will this poor heart finally be jaded?
Damn. My dreams of psychiatry has been dashed into millions and billions of nanoscopic pieces. I'm officially no longer a science student.
Sigh.
Maybe I'm still suffering from shock, but I'm not feeling anything just yet. The rejection came in about 5 minutes ago. I mean. I've been dreaming about it all my life. And now it just plain sucks to be told right in your face that you're not good enough. Several times at that too.
I'm really that puny eh. And I thought if nothing, the only asset I had was my brains. But guess I'm really not that fantastic or smart enough. Now, I have nothing.
What will I be next? What's my path? Will I even get that coveted 1st class? Am I up to it? At the rate I'm going, I can only see a downward spiral. When you see me begging on the streets next time, please do be generous yar.
Wow. Looks like someone wrote a song just for me!!
I'm Just A Kid
by Simple Plan
I woke up it was 7
I waited 'till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think I’ve got a lot of friends
But I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone
When you're spending everyday on you own
And here it goes
I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that its not fair
Nobody cares
Cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight
And maybe when the night is dead
I’ll crawl into my bed
I’m staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time
I had good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own
And here it goes
What the hell is wrong with me?
Don’t fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever
Tonight I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I’m just a kid tonight
One of those days. You see someone down in the dumps, and there's absolutely nothing you can do. My words forever seem to fail me. I feel so helpless now, as all I can do is watch.
And it's always like this. My words always inadequate. No words to make a conversation with friends, no words to comfort an upset person. I wonder. What use am I to others in this world then. Like a parasite.
Haha. But then again. I guess. I could change myself in other ways. Where words did not matter. I could always go do community service or something. Then again, I always believed that charity starts from home. Sigh. I'm so full of excuses.
If only I knew what to do or say. I'm envious of you guys who can do it.
You are an Architect, possible professions include - strategic planning, writer, staff development, lawyer, architect, software designer, financial analyst, college professor, photographer, logician, artist, systems analyst, neurologist, physicist, psychologist, research/development specialist, computer programmer, data base manager, chemist, biologist, investigator.
