:: Wallpaper ::

:: Sunday, August 31, 2003 ::

Alright. I concur with her. My argument failed to my much sense. Haha.

Hmm. Realised my life is getting a little bit comic-bookish again. Not that it hasn't been, always, but today was another of those classic it-just-had-to-happen days. Ok, maybe not today, but last night. Been trying to meet up with sotong for ages, but always something crops up. Might be partly my fault coz I'm half-hearted already, but today's meet up had almost absolutely nothing to stop it. Yet I somehow knew that it was not to be. Sure enough, sotong fell sick. Of all days.

Yeah, I know it's no big deal, everybody gets sick in once in a while, why not today right? That's pretty ok if some sorta weird thing didn't crop up everytime to hinder things. Or maybe we're just too busy nowadays for friends. Is there even a need to maintain constant contact with friends? They're still your friends right? Bleargh. Haha. Perhaps I'm too paranoid in thinking that if you don't keep contact, you'll lose a person. But that seems to be true for most cases. The fact that you can't meet up already means you're not on the priority list!

Oh well. Bless me and bless my life. *Smooch* Sometimes, I just love ya. Eh Mr. Scriptwriter, be nice ya? I could do without the humour sometimes.


:: Sam 6:44 AM [+] ::
...

Been actually attempting to mug today. Amazing. But as usual, the willpower runs out and here I am again. Haha. Kay, I'm bored right now, so let me amuse myself. I saw this post recently on guys, and I must attempt to defend our sex, or at least say a few words in our favour. Justify? Or maybe give an excuse or two so we don't seem all that bad... Haha... Right, always wanted to write about this issue anyways, but I'm not so sure if I'll be ale to pull it off, so just be nice ya? ;P

Woah. I can feel a thesis essay coming. Heh. Let me 1st state the case. Accusations of guys:
1. Shallow
2. Sex Oriented
3. All About Looks
4. Childish
5. Jerks
Hmm... Actually point no. 5 is a repeat, coz that basically encompasses the 1st 4 points and more. Anyways, they are ranked in no order of importance or preference, and not exhaustive. I probably missed out a trillion other things that girls are speaking of right now that's making my eyebrows twitch.

Alright, that done, let's just assume that my point of view applies for the general (else there would be no case eh? hehe). Firstly, I would like to say all the above accusations are - TRUE!! Before the protests start streaming in, here's the GP skill: to a moderate extent.

Let's start from the ancient times of all living organisms. First there was the world, the primordial hot soup of life. Then there was bacteria. Then there was er, fish? Followed by mudskippers, then deers (think I missed several million centuries there, but nevermind...)? Somewhere along the way some flying fish decided not to swim anymore, and we had birds! Wow. Amazing isn't it? I shall not go into dinosaurs and whatnots, but in between the mudskippers and the deers, came some wise-crack apes that figured they wanted to stand and pee, so ta-daa. We have men.

Or if we follow creation, well, God just waved his finger and we appeared.

Either way, we came about. And from there, we propagated. The primary reason, the sole reason in fact, that there is a male and female, a yin and yang, a black and white, is so that we can procreate! While I may not go to the extent to suggest that humans live solely to procreate and ensure survival of species (I'm an evolutionist), the distinction of gender is crudely just that. Otherwise we'd all be sexless and live forever. Oh the horror. Shudder. Alright, alright, to come to my 1st point after such a long merry-go-round, sex is wired into our heads baby! (My GP tutor would be proud of my conciseness!) The rest, is, very importantly, social construct.

The major difference between men and women is the method of approch and the amount of grey matter dedicated to sex and various other aspects. That in itself as sparked off many many countless battles of the sexes. The reason for this difference is partly innate, and partly the evolution of social systems. Notice that both parties are attracted by an attractive counterpart, though attractive is very loosely defined. You've probably encountered some girls saying isn't that guy cute, and giggle about some handsome chap, that's why we all wanna look good don't we? Else why would any guy bother? Guys are just less polished in their ways, and less bright. Research has shown that on the average, a girl will check out more guys than a guy could check out girls walking down the same street. Unfortunately for us poor buffoons, girls are so much more discreet, just a flit of the eye and back. Guys tend to associate girls with food I suppose, coz we oogle and drip saliva? Must be from cavemen times that the women cooked for men. Kidding.

1st impressions count. Trust me on that. They don't last, but they do count. And darling, the 1st 1st impression is definitely looks! Everybody takes assumptions, and everybody infers something about anybody they see. While guys do quickly point out pretty girls, I would think they are less likely to say 'that girl is mine!' immediately. Rather, they would watch and assess like several old wise men, pulling their beards and nodding their heads in thoughtful agreement, or shaking in cautious disagreement. Because what they are doing exactly, in those few seconds of their dim brains, electricity is sparking and currents are flowing. Know it or not, they are assessing the girl's character on what little they can surmise from the exterior. There you go. The critically acclaimed and much lamented for character assesment.

Call it shallow if you will. Here's where the paths deviate. Guys take that little amount, and decided whether they are interested, and try to court the girl. Along the way, she either confirms, adds-on, or spoils the images he has of her. Once the relationship proceeds, he starts to learn more about her and gets to know her better. Girls, however, prefer to know a person better first before getting along in the relationship. In other words, guys are just easier to get, so to speak. But no matter what, they will never completely learn about the other, perhaps even halfway would be an achievement. So up to you how soon you wish to experience a relationship.

Eh, just realised I've talked a whole load of rubbish and hardly answered anything I set out to. I'm exhausted already. Bleargh. Right, how about the classic excuse? Not all guys are like that, we'll grow up someday.

But really, it's a weird world. Somethings we just love to hate, others we hate to love. Everyone wants to be loved for who they are, we are just lonely people at heart, seeking companionship, and inescapably, sex. Men and women just complain and whine about each other, and in the end, they all end up together, like some beautiful fairytale. Of course, there's always the tragedy first, the evil witch, then the miracle, the fairy godmother. And all the evil witches in the world is worth the wait of one fairy godmother.

Of course, there's the wee problem of lesbians and gays that complicate matters, but that's another story for another day.

I haven't answered much. But I've certainly killed boredom. Yeah!

Disclaimer: I'm no sexist nor anti-homosexual activists, but I'm certainly racist and a whole lot of other prejudicies, so ask me one of these days if you'd like me to flame them. Kiddin. No really, I'm a very sweet, nice, understanding, caring, single, available male. Any takers? ;P


:: Sam 2:21 AM [+] ::
...

Nostalgia. Sang my old school anthem. Sigh. Formal Dinner always brings back memories.

On the bright side, today was pretty ok. Company was fun. Talked lots of crap. They crapped, I listened and laughed.

Food was interesting. Haha. We asked for a 2nd basket of bread, but it got hijacked by the next table of idiots who overheard our conversation. Then we asked for extra soup, but there was only 4 to go around 6. Finally, we cheated the waiters into thinking we have yet to get dessert. Chicken was bigger than usual, cheese cake dessert rocks!

Yupz. It was ok I guess. Better than expected.

Saw Mars just now. Puny. Just like any other star, but brighter. Gee, should have stayed in school where the telescope would be available. Heh. K la. Nothing to say liao.

Auspicium Melioris Aevi

eh greeneyes, if you see this, chill a bit can? i know i'm blunt and overly focused sometimes, but that was not the sole reason i messaged you la. in fact, it isn't even the reason! so just chill. there's no ulterior motive. relax kay?


:: Sam 6:14 AM [+] ::
...

Just came back from school. Formal dinner later. The thought of it another dreary hour or so of talks with my growling stomach does not amuse me. Not to mention the microscopic serving on the plate. They used to serve chicken with rice. Heck, they even have chicken or fish! Now it's just one puny malnutritioned chicken piece. Sigh. The hungry kids in Africa better be getting fatter.

Wasted time in school again as usual. Started off mugging quite well. Then decided to take one of my usual rounds. Met 2 people I haven't had the chance to speak to properly in a long time. Feels great! If I weren't in my bloody oh-so-cool mode. Haha. Still. Managed a decent conversation. Where's all my PRO skills? =P

Anyways, decided after the first round that since I was no longer in a study mood anymore, might as well help out in some lantern hanging. But as I was going to get my back, got distracted along the way. Brought my stuff to the canteen, and decided to take a longer route so I'd see more people. Ended up chatting with 2 other people. By the time I got back to help with the lanterns, gee, it's full house! Wahaha. I'm just way too slow sometimes.

*slaps self* I need to buck up abit. Getting slower in reaction times nowadays, and self-confidence is down in the dumps. Whatever happened to that over-social idiot back in the good ol' days? Haha... I'm working on it. But in the mean time, it's mug time...

Writing a short story now. Hope I can finish it in time? 'Autumn Leafs' Sound so dramedy, like some soppy romance like that. In a sense it might be la, haha. Argh. The things I have to do, the things I have to do...


:: Sam 2:55 AM [+] ::
...

Feel rather suffocated now. You know the choked up feeling you get when you're overwhelmed with emotions? Makes breathing difficult, and a sudden rush to wanna release all that pent-up energy. Sigh. Read Celia's blog just now. Argh. Reminds me of my life, haha.

Yeah. The same excuses or lack of it. The same inability to do something for people that I so want to. Helpless, that's the word. I'm bombarded with all the memories. All the things I wanted to do but never did. All the things I could do but never dared. All the things I would have been doing but now lost the chance.

Can't life just be simple? Can't everyone I care for care that I care? Can't I care about anybody I like as and when I like? Hell, why do I even care? If I care and nobody else does, then please, whoever is up there, make me don't care! Why care for people who just don't give a shit about you? And the best part is why care for people who don't even know you exist? Gone were the days when my friends treasured me as much as I treasured them.

Sigh. I just wanna do things for people. And yet I'm unable. For those few whom I am able to attempt something, I still can't make them smile. And for those rare occasions I make someone smile, I'm quickly forgotten. I know it's my choice to wanna do things, but hey, I can't help myself from feeling otherwise or not wanting to. Sometimes, I just want something back for all those time wasted thinking of doing something but never getting down to it, something for those things that I finally did.

I dunno if I'm thinking soundly or not. But I don't really care. I care that I care. I care that they don't care. And I don't care but I want something too! Please? Is it ok?

Haha... Think my screws are semi-loose tonight. Oh well. Let me whine, let me whine. It's all I can do after all. Pray please don't take even that away from me.


:: Sam 7:04 AM [+] ::
...

Heh. Never thought I'd do this, but I'll do it anyway.

JOKE OF THE DAY:

Why did the balding man with only 3 strands of hair left decided to pluck out his middle one?

He wanted to do centre parting.

*Press Ctrl A to see the answer*

Gee. Lamez. Oh well. Hope ya like it.


:: Sam 8:01 AM [+] ::
...

Wah sianz. I slipped 3 times while coming up the stairs just now. So careless. Lucky I'm so used to falling that I managed to catch myself all 3 times. But still, how can anyone slip 3 times in a row, it's like, step, slip, get up, step, slip, get up, step step, slip again. Shit man. Something wrong with me.

Went out with Rev today, supposed to bring her to Golden Mile Hotel. Heh. Supposed to. Couldn't even get the right orientation from the MRT. So funny can, the guide had to be guided. Kinda reminds me of an article a few days back about a rescue team that got lost, and those they were supposed to rescue found their way out instead. What a joke, haha... In the end, she had to call her friend, and I had to ask for directions, before we finally found our destination. Sigh. I'm really growing old. Saw a few strands of white hair sticking out in the front just a few days back.

Oh well. Nothing much happened other than that. Feeling really silly and blur right now.


:: Sam 7:38 AM [+] ::
...

Wah. JTS today, haha. Went for some FIREfly scholarships talk earlier. Really made me reconsider my options. I'm quite tempted to just take those kinda jobs now, since they offer a scholarship, an interesting experience, etc etc. But need to become citizen. Not sure if that's a good idea. Also, when I think of the pay, er... No thanks. Haha... A bit practical I guess, but that's life. Still consider just doing something in human relations instead of the initial plan. Dunno la. At the rate I'm going, I wun make it very far in terms of relations, wahaha....

Yeah, back to JTS today. Went Pizza Hut. Din really get to talk to the 20th lor. Hopeless manz. So much for human relations... Miss the times I spent wif them la. Sigh. Ate one whole pizza plus half a slice. Not bad, but still can't beat Becky's 9 slices, which is 1.5 pizza. Ouch. And that guy who ate 23, that's nearly 4!! Wanted to play pool wif Len, so long neva play liao, rot already, but no chance la. Ended up playing Pepsi Cola 123 wif the boys. 19th and 20th guys bonding time!! Quite fun and interesting, I'd say. Old childhood game eh...

Otherwise, didn't really socialise much on a personal basis wif 20th, that is to say, I haf no juniors. Bleargh. Boo hoo hoo. No fair. Sec skool no chance, now oso no chance. Wah... Haha... Maybe I just not trying hard enough eh? But don't really dare to either la. Think about all the trouble last time. Oh screw.

Just realised I got a little bump on my shin from Wei's sweep during Pepsi just now. Gee. Weak ar. Haha. Sigh. Nothing to say liao. Realised I've degenerated to whining these few days. Heh. Oh well. Today was somewhat disappointing I guess. Always haf dreams of a warm gathering, always imagine, always hope for those kinda camaderies you see in movies and read in books. But sadly neva haf the chance to experience. Can't complain still. Life is life. End.


:: Sam 8:07 AM [+] ::
...

Oh yeah. Shit happens. Literally.

Today classic example. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get. Likewise, council room got its fair share, only that they were from eating, not for eating. The sewage pipe above council room from the level 2 female toilet, decide to spill it's contents of years of diligent consumption. Whatever the reasons for it's sudden outburst, it sure as hell wrecked tremendous havoc. Apparently from what I heard, the blazers were a hit. So were the banners. Ouch.

Gee. I suppose now our blazers not only hurts the occular senses, but intoxicates the olfactory as well. And we finally have something to wave about during cheer supports and events that's sure to catch more than just eyes. Right. But seriously. The 20th have all the luck in the world, to start off their term with such a blast (no pun intended). Hmm. Reminds me of the poem I wrote in CR, maybe they are still wielding their mops and brooms? Or is it the compensation coz we didn't mess up their room? Haha...

Kk, shouldn't be laughing at them. Poor things la. Tough luck I guess. Hasn't been all that lovely a day for me either. Wanted to go over and help them clean up, but saw the teachers there, then didn't really like the idea of going near and getting those questioning looks. Maybe it's just an excuse, who knows? Heh. Then today same problem again, never talk to people, people hafta greet me first. But at least I rectified that a little bit before I left skool. Sigh.

Also, Rou and Can were asking Len some FM qn, which I totally cannot handle, and me being me, ignored their existence. I mean, what you want me to do? I'm studying, and you're not talking to me what. Ya, I can say 'hi' la, but that's OOC (out of character) can? So happily continue study, or rather, grumpily. Then the stupid Len wanna go play or somethingg la, dun help them, and direct to me pula. Wonderful. Just great. I continued mugging. I know I'm suppose to be friendly and reach over and say 'let me have a look at that', but easier said than done can? I'm back to last year's mood swings leh... And I'm nowhere near friendly nor sociable these days. Can mumbled something abt Len not free, and me not wanting to help. Wah, say until like I so bad like that. I mean it's true I'm bad to certain extent la, but still. Have a feeling Can don't really like me, haha... K lor. Can't blame you. Rou still pushed the qn to me anyways, so I tried. Couldn't make head or tell out of it. Given my current mood, I guess I probably came across as not even wanting to try, and as though I was irritated by the presence of those two. No la. I'm not. Really appreciate the company can.

Bleargh. Don't care. Not my jurisdiction. Sigh. But I always say don't care, and still care anyways. Why ar? I actually care that I never go help people. Since when I got conscience one? Pretty worked up that I couldn't help out to clean the CR too. Haha... Always like that one la. Wanna help but cannot make it. Sianz.

Managed to released some stress today. Was playing with Hee Siong's jacket during Physics. Wah, like so childish like that, total extreme opposite of the dao me later on. Pretend to be flasher walk around classroom flash at gals. They say I can make it leh, my smile very perverted, hehe. Then started dancing with the jacket, etc etc. Mad liao. Exam stress. Haha. Sigh. I'm my own entertainment ya.

Bio test tom. Hope I rock. Heh.


:: Sam 5:27 AM [+] ::
...

Wah. Like long time neva come and blog here liao, haha... *Sweeps dust away* Oh well. Why not eh?

Sigh. Today's one of those days again man. Felt a sudden pang of loneliness... Miss her la. Just miss having a friend around that I can talk to, about anything under the sun, without fear or apprehension. Miss. Misses. Missed. ARGH.

Today saw another friend, but never say 'hi'. Why are people like that ar? Why is saying 'hi' so difficult? That's the problem with me la. Must make eye contact only can greet. Or else just pretend never see. Bleargh.

Then today got people stare at me, I think. Stand up to look at me somemore. Gee. Feels as though they up to no good. All the negative vibes today la. Down mood. Feeling very forlorn.

Sometimes I think of the times I try to cheer people up. Do I succeed? Hopefully... Or maybe they just smiling at my feeble attempts. Do I really ever make a difference? Did I help? I sometimes ferverntly hope I do. Don't care if I'm one time use only, but at least I did something... I just don't like seeing people sad.

But a bit double standards? I'm not really cheerful either, how to cheer people up? And I resist most of the attempts to cheer me up. So who's gonna make me smile? Haha... Sian la. Zi ji xiao zi ji lor. What to do...

Oh well. I miss lotsa people la. I miss the times we had together, I miss the attention I received, and I miss the attention I could give. I don't wanna care for someone who won't care, but I can't even care for anyone now.

Kk. Getting a bit depressing. Not really writing anything meaningful either. Suan le ba. Try again next time, haha. I go mug for Chem and Bio le.

Hmm... Think today I a bit mei hua jiang.


:: Sam 5:37 AM [+] ::
...

Saw this on Steph's page, sorry to steal it from you. ;P

Exactly the way I feel these days, haha... Sigh... What a wonderful world... Hopefully one day we'll be friends again eh? Heh...

Matchbox20_-_Unwell

All day
Staring at the ceiling making
Friends with shadows on my wall
All night
I'm hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good
For something

Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

(chorus)
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

See me
Talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me

Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

(chorus)

Talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
They'll be taking me away


:: Sam 7:42 PM [+] ::
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