:: Wallpaper ::

:: Saturday, December 28, 2002 ::

It's my birthday today. Gee. I feel so old.


:: Sam 4:10 AM [+] ::
...

I've been charged with the crime of the century. Might as well declare it to the world, since I dunno how many more people agree with this point of view, how many people will change the way they think of me once they find out. Might as well anyway, because I have nothing to hide, because I believe in my lack of evil intentions, and because I dunno if I should defend myself. What's there to defend anyway? The fact that I'm accused is sufficient.

I've been charged with lechery. Well, not exactly, but that's the gist and the bulk of it.

Yeah yeah. Gasp in horror, stare in disbelieve, nod in acknowledgement, shake in dissapointment. Whatever reaction you will. I just cannot believe that this is happening. I do not consider myself lecherous. But then again, if I did, I probably not be committed of such an act, would I? Already, the verdict is being formed, or already formed, by the jury. All that awaits now is the judgement. The punishment. And I wouldn't even know if not for some kind soul who decided to warn me less my sentence be carried out with me unawares. Never warn a criminal you're gonna charge him. Just hit him quick and fast, or else he may disable you, or cook up a defence, or do something horrible.

Hahaha.

I dunno whether to laugh or to cry. Really. It's confusing man. It's disarming. It bowls me over. Gee. OK. While I'm at it, might as well say a few words in defense.

Dear jury. I'm disappointed. I'm thoroughly disappointed and let down. I'm disappointed with myself for not seeing that this was coming. I'm disappointed with the prosecutor for not giving me a chance. I'm disappointed with the jury for carrying this out behind my back. Next, I accept all charges pressed against me, for I must have committed them, or they would not be pressed against me in the first place. But, I do not plead guilty. Yes, granted I committed every act I'm charged with, even if I dunno what most of them are, they were not done with those intentions in mind. Sigh. What difference does it make? I crossed the line, fine. Sentence me then, punish me then, I shall embrace whatever is thrown at me. My only regret was that I trusted and believed that in the goodness of you people, that you good people would tell me when I strayed, and keep me back in line, that I trusted and believed that we were closer friends than that. Once again, my greatest mistake is my trust and believe in people. I seem to constantly get the concept of friendship wrong. And to think I thought I just learnt my lesson. How wrong. I am betrayed.

But mine are just the words of a criminal. Condemn. Hahaha. Shoot me then. I welcome you. And I shall embrace this death with all my heart and soul. I'll be looking forward to my rebirth. The same mistake won't be made twice.

I rest my case.


:: Sam 4:55 AM [+] ::
...

Should I complain? Yes I should.

complain

Passport making is just so sux0r. Sigh. Dumb idiots make you wait for ages just to pay the bill! Imagine! You wanna give them money and they still make you wait!! I just LOVE my country.

Oh. I had to rush all the way back to Ipoh to get my birth certificate, and back to KL again the next day, just so I could get into the 7.30am queue. Should never forget important documents.

Gah. No mood. Can't even be bothered to complain. I'll split the fault between them and me, 50-50, so we're even, ok? *Shakes fists at immigrations*

/complain


:: Sam 4:31 AM [+] ::
...

Alas, alas. Some things just never change, huh? Sigh, after all the high hopes and hullaballoo, you'd think that something would finally happen at last, that things would come alive. But no. Still as dead as ever. Perhaps all the action merely played in my mind. What a world. Sigh. What a world. Strangely, I can't for the life figure out why. Maybe it's just me. Bleargh. Back into my own world where only I exist, plus I guess, the occasional visitor.

But surprise, surprise. Some things do happen. A storm is brewing. I can feel it. I can smell it. I can taste it. I can feel it quivering with excitement, and it sends tingles down my spine. I can smell my own fear and apprehension. I can taste... I can taste... Nothing. I can taste nothing. Sigh. I wonder. How real is this storm? Is it truly there? One moment I believe it is, the next, I'm not too sure. Shadow dancing, I call it. Playing with something you're not sure of. Sometimes the shadow appears, sometimes it dissapears, sometimes you overlap it, sometimes it melds into you. Curious, isn't it? Confusing, but its mysteries draw me like a moth to fire.

Bleargh. Whatever. Don't think I know what I'm talking about half the time anyway. I just wish... that things were more straightforward and simple? The way you want it to be? No illusions, no shadows. Just the plain old whatever. Whatever.

'Shh... I can hear it coming.'
'Hear what? I don't hear anything.'
'Be quiet, listen closely.'
'Nothing. I hear nothing.'
'You got that right! Nothing's coming.'
'Oh.'
*Pause*
'Aieeee!!'
'It's already here.'
*Evil laughter*


:: Sam 11:08 PM [+] ::
...

Changed my guestbook. It is now signable. Sigh. And no one told me it was out. Thanx alot, lurve... Haha...


:: Sam 7:58 PM [+] ::
...

I'm back in M'sia!! If there's one thing I love about this place, it's the food!! Sweet, lovely food, after such a long freaking time too. Ah... I'm in bliss man. This is heaven...

Kk, enough of the reverie. Other than that, almost everything else sucks here. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no friends to find. Something like that. Boredom to the core man. But, I'm going Ipoh tomorrow, hopefully to see my beautiful cousins!! Then to Penang to the beach, windsurfing!! Yeah, rocks man!! Haha... After that, slow and agonising death again. Sigh.

Got stung by a bee yesterday morning. S'pore's last goodbye gift to me for year 2002. How embarassing. One single honey bee sting on my left foot. Thought it was an overgrown mosquito at first, with a extra painful bite, haha. Can't a person get a first sting with more dignity? Like with a hundred chasing after you and you barely make it into the river in the nick of time, sustaining like 10 or 20 stings? Yeah, know I should be thankful, but where's the sense of adventure? Kk, but in retrospect, I don't think I want a 100 bees after me right now either, haha. I'd rather have no bees, yes, no bees.

Been spending time lately with a nice person. Me very thankful for the person's presence, at least it calm's my soul and serves as an anchor against otherwise turbulent emotions. I hope that person remains an anchor, and does not become the storm that drives my emotions haywire. At least, not now, not yet, and not in a negative manner. I wouldn't mind a little positive excitement of a roller coaster ride though, as long as I do not step down feeling sick, only exhilarated. But hey, if you're reading this, no storm, no roller coaster, I just want a nice lasting anchor ok? Haha. Just want you to be with me...

'Life's full of ups and downs... I just wanna stay up, don't wanna come down... But then I'm scared of heights, so how? ;þ '


:: Sam 7:45 PM [+] ::
...

Today, my angel gave me a chain. I dunno whether to laugh because she gave me what I asked for, or to cry because she really don't care much about it. I dunno whether to laugh because she bothered to get it for me, or to cry because she got it out of duty and obligation. I dunno whether to laugh because she at least did it out of duty and obligation, or to cry because she did not do it out of friendship and love. So I did nothing.

She gave me a dog tag. A single dog tag, with my initials K.W. Every soldier is issued a pair of dog tags, one for the identification of a dead body, and the other as a proof of death. Does that mean I'm now a dead body? In a sense, I guess.

I deleted her number off my handphone, but I couldn't delete her out of my mind. If only it was that easy, to just press the 'erase' button, and all would be done.

Maybe I should have taken the gift from her. One that would be given out of friendship and love, albeit reluctantly. But it was reluctant, and I did not want to push. Whoever heard of a person claming a gift? It should be given willingly. So I did not take it.

Sigh.


:: Sam 7:14 AM [+] ::
...

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla


Once again, hmm... Haha...


:: Sam 5:55 PM [+] ::
...

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hmm... Is that why I talk a lot of crap?


:: Sam 5:49 PM [+] ::
...

What Planet Are You From?


this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim


I'm getting bored. Starting to do quizzes again. Bleargh.


:: Sam 4:54 AM [+] ::
...

Hmm... 3rd time I'm posting today. That's alot. What the hell, I've got the mood.

I'm starting to think that maybe I really am abit mental after all... Anyone out there thinks I'm a bit loony? As in demented, crazy, mad, unstable? And not wacky. Ooh, and do I scare you? Like do I make you feel uncomfortable and squirmy? Do I make you turn your head away the moment you see me? Do you get that tingling feeling, a warning, a sense of danger when you're near me?

For those of you who don't, GOOD!! I love you guys!!
For those of you who do, get a life, get a Kit Kat!! Whoops, maybe not that, but stop it! You making me feel weird! I'm perfectly normal, I think. Am I? Yesh I am, YESH I AM!!

So there. I made my point.


:: Sam 5:48 AM [+] ::
...

On a brighter note, I *GASPS* discovered that there are other AJ pple who blog!! Though they all started around October I think... Still, feels good to have more pple I know!! Yeah, link 'em already, so must must must visit. Finally... Local company, haha... Ehz, pple pls sign my sad sad sad guestbook? Oh, and in case, just in case(you dunno), there is a comments system in this page, the 'color me' link. I feel so silly saying all these...

Another thing to look forward to is I've managed to get a sort of comments system up for the poems site. Instead of figuring out the enetations script, I used the tagboard those AJ pple are using, haha... So now pple can comment!! Yeah... Half of me wants to ask for very very critical ones, the other half is praying for mercy... How how how? Haha... Niwaez, won't be using the tagboard for this page, I'm prefer the comments system, and no space at the side anyway. So once again I promote my guestbook and the comments system!! I really feel very very 'sad' saying these now...

Oh, me played street soccer for the 1st time today... Didn't really get to play much, but I enjoyed what little chance I got. Quite cool le, especially when the opposing teams are all people we dunno, and on a 2-goal rotation basis. Think we played 4 or 5 different teams. The Ang Mo Kio people were pretty good.

The end.


:: Sam 10:36 PM [+] ::
...

Man, sometimes I just loathe that person. I dun understand how one can be so concerned about another, and yet be treated so indifferently. Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps people just like to hide how they feel inside. Perhaps I'm the King of the World. Perhaps. Somehow I just don't believe in it anymore. I'd call it unrequited love, at least that's what it sounds like to me, and makes things easier to understand. But no, it's insisted that it's friendship. Hah? Friendship? Wow. Since when did friendship became lopsided? Fine, I'll play the fool and believe, coz there's no point denying that I wanna believe. Time. I'll give time. It's all I have anyway, and I have lots. Sigh.

'Ooh, can't stop the hurt inside, when love and hate collide.'


:: Sam 10:20 PM [+] ::
...

I just had the best dinner in years man!! Kk, maybe that's an exaggeration, but this I can accurately say: I just had the best boarding dinner in 5 years man!!!

I had a so-called 7 course meal, fish (2 actually), mashed potato, vegetables (yeah, actually worth eating!!), fried rice, corn, bobochacha and jelly!! Feel so bloated right now man... I finished almost everything except the vege... Sadly, I couldn't stuff any more or I'd puke, so the one that had to go was obviously the least favourite... But even then, I nearly finished it kay!!

Ok ok, this post probably sounds stupid, but I have something to declare. Boarding food ROCKS man!! Only once in 5 years though...


:: Sam 3:15 AM [+] ::
...

My poetry is now up again... Shifted it from that stupid scribble.nu which suddenly died while I was not watching... Yeah, feel free to visit and comment...


:: Sam 5:55 AM [+] ::
...

Sailing ROCKS!!


:: Sam 4:09 AM [+] ::
...

Haircuts.

Ugh. I hate 'em.

Since young till now, there has never been a single time I have walked in to a barber's happy, remained happy while seated, and walked out happy. Somewhere along the way something will turn sour. Maybe a little nick at the back of my neck, or a little error that takes 30 minutes correcting, or just the overall lousy haircut.

I always feel weird the moment I walk out. Perhaps the lack of satisfaction stems from the fact that I do not go to professional hairstylists and pay a bomb for it. But even then, imagine having your hair at the mercy of a pair of hands, that whether you like it or not, is goin to either ruin you or make you very happy, depending on the day he had. Oh, not to mention that most good hairstylists are males that have a 'broken wrist', though that might be overly sweeping a statement.

Oh yeah, not to mention having a 50+ year old father commenting at every cut, and directing the barber to give you the most old fashion and horrid hairstyle, that made you wish you just stayed at home and put a bowl over your head and DIY. No wonder I have such bad taste in hair.

Argh. Screw. At least this time I can safely say I was saved by a more experienced, nicer, and self-respecting barber, who took pride and dignity in her work by deciding to give me the best haircut she could while listening as little as possible to my dad. Thank God or whoever for that. Amen.

Once again, the author tries to save his hair by applying cans of gel in hope that it will look more outrageously stupid than the haircut itself, and hopefully, the haircut will be overlooked.

Oh, did I mention it almost always gets better a week after? Strange. Haven't figured out why yet though. Heh.


:: Sam 9:58 PM [+] ::
...

Women. Sigh.

Some you just can't get.
Some you just can't get rid of.
Some you just can't resist.


The Gods help me, and all womenfolk that have crossed me, or been crossed by me, but please don't put me on a cross.

Once again. Sigh.


:: Sam 11:10 PM [+] ::
...

Why?

The mother of all questions. The question that everybody asks, and nobody can answer. And with every single reply, it is followed by another 'Why?'. And indeed, why not?

I ask myself this same cursed question every night. Why. Why did it had to happen. Why did it have to turn out like that. Why, of all people, it had to happen to me. And every night, I find myself unable to answer the same few questions, playing over and over again in my mind like a broken record. It haunts me like a ghost in the shadows, and the answer eludes me, playing a stupid game of hide and seek.

I asked that question to them before. There was no reply. All they could do was stare blankly at me. And when I got mad at them, they retaliated with the same cursed question, why. Why did I have to ask them. Why them. Why. A vicious cycle there will be no escape from.

I asked Him why. His only reply was irony. He gave me nothing that I wanted and asked for. Yet he gave me everything I didn't ask for but satisfied me just as well. He gave me hope, false hope that I would not need the answer to the questions, that they would just melt away into dark of the night. But then he would steal that away again. Ah, the most cruel of things to do, to give a man hope to hold so dearly, and then to wrest it away from him so suddenly and violently. And that begets only more of that mournful why.

There is no final answer. At least I have not found one. All solutions are merely temporary, shadows, vanishing immediately upon the light of the question. Why. Maybe one day I will be answered. Maybe one day there would be world peace. Hah. Remote possibilities I still hold true because of the hope He gave me, and will take away soon again. And return to me. So the cycle repeats. So the ordeal continues. The neverending quest for a perfect answer. The One answer.

'Curiosity killed the cat. Yeah man, it lost its 9 lives suffering from insomnia and migraine. Oh yeah, also from total absorption in the question that it forgot to eat.


:: Sam 6:00 AM [+] ::
...

It was a hot summer's day, but a chill wind blew. Under the noonday heat, it wrapped around one particular heart, freezing it so cold, it cracked open into a million pieces. My heart.


:: Sam 7:55 AM [+] ::
...

'What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?'

Taken from the GCE A Level 1997 GP Paper 1, this is truly a good statement. In fact, it was a motto of my life that I never realised. At least now I find consolation that I'm not alone in this sentiment. But I must concede that I do not keep as closely to this as I used to, after all, a busy school life is still a busy school life, and even after escaping from all the pitfalls of work, I am still bounded by something more invisible, emotions. Better than most, I guess. Or perhaps worse, to have so much time to think about it, haha.

Now, if the rest of the world would catch on this phrase, the teachers of AJ would not work us so hard. Perhaps it's safe to say they are somewhat slackening, just that people like me are still busy trying to catch-up, if trying is any suitable word for hardly making any attempt. But there are still many people who still have to understand this concept. The one reason why I can take as many CCAs within my limits as I like without becoming too busy or tied up is because I can control, and not plunge into work, work, and more work.

Try explaining this to a councillor.

Perhaps that's why they already start having some distaste for me, one of the few councillors with significantly less work, and able to commit to other things. Credit it to laziness, but what in the world is the point of grabbing more work for yourself when you don't have any? Is that dumb or what? Granted, we should help one another to lighten the load, but I already declared that my help is available if needed. I'm most certainly not going around begging for more things to eat my time. As is, I have little enough to enjoy myself, and I wanna spent every moment of that in my own silent reverie, away from this busy life.

For the same reason, my mother should not have stopped me from daydreaming and going to do something fruitful. But tell me, what's more fruitful than sitting down there in one quiet corner and thinking, reflecting? It's a lifeskill that many have lost. While I dare not say I'm superbly good at it, but it does help, to some extent. Take a look at those mad people, those superman. They are superb sportsman, excellent students, great social animals, and much more. Even they're leisure time is spent doing something fruitful like jogging or working out. But where's the time for themselves?

Selfish as it may seem, the most important thing at the end of the day, is yourself. If you don't have yourself, you cannot do a million other things for anybody else. What then, would be the point? Altruism is good, but only if you take yourself into account.

Argh, what the hell. There's no point in arguing. I need my dinner, I need to go feed myself. At least I did my share of self-indulgement writing this blog. That's the whole purpose of this anyway. To stand, stare, and then pen it down. So to speak, haha... Kk, I'm signing out for food...


:: Sam 3:04 AM [+] ::
...

Wow. I had a great night last night. And a strangely comical/tragical/weird night too. Somebody is really getting a skewed sense of humour, or I'm in some stroke of bad luck. Still, I got what I wanted in the end, to a certain extent...

It was Senior's Night, one of those mass events where people go eat, drink, dance, and plain party. I waited patiently for slow dance. Prepared the roses. And then, it begun. Took me quite some time to finally see her, and gave the rose to her, but just when we were about to move in, some spiky hair idiot came and talked to her, apparently her senior. Dumb 'ol me was left standing alone watching the 2 of them. But honestly, what could I do? Yell at him? The irony of it, which I did not see till moments ago, is that my name happens to be Spike. Fancy Spike losing out to spiky hair, haha...

So there, poor ol me wanders around without a dance despite giving a rose. See one old friend of mine, and decided to ask her to dance. Just when she was about to get up, guess what? The morons changed the music to fast dance. That was when I totally threw my hands into the air and gave up. But to look on the brighter side of things, I did get a dance in the end, from both of them too.

But back to the tragical part of it, while I was dancing with that girl, lovely 'ol spiky hair came along again and interrupted us to talk to her. Hello? Am I invisible? Sorry, don't mean anything!! Argh, there must be something seriously wrong with me. And to add to that, we danced into the 2nd song, which also happens to be the last song of the night, when another senior came along and 'Excuse me, can I dance with her please?' I was so tempted to tell him to f*** off. But, fortunately for him, I graciously let him have his way. Ergh, I am too nice. Oh, the song was 'Wonderful tonight' Lovely... Sad...

Kk, there are some finer and nicer parts about the whole thing, but for the sake of entertainment purposes, I shall leave it at that. My life is a joke. I should seriously work up some kinda murderous aura around me, while that may chase away all the girls, at least it'll keep irritating spiky hair idiots and various assorted clowns from crossing me. Maybe a sword or two strapped on my back will do the trick. Or should I carry explosives? Bazookas? Bring a death squad? Any suggestions are warmly welcome.

Screw the world. And that spiky hair dude. Not to forget the miscellaneous.


:: Sam 7:37 PM [+] ::
...

Ooh boy, don't I just hate biology teachers and big mouths! Me included, big mouth that is. I just had a major screw up, made history, and hit a milestone of my life.

In case you're wondering. I failed bio. !@#$%^&*() Not just any bio test, but one that I had the opportunity to refer to my notes. In fact, ironically, it's that very fact that caused me to fail in the first place!!

For the 1st time in like 12+ years of schooling, I bloody hell got caught for cheating in a test. Not that I did cheat much, nor that I usually cheat at all, just so bloody happened that I was given an entire day's grace to do the bloody paper, and no one told me I was supposed to do it in a library. Wow.

Oh well, thanks to my whining skills, I managed to get only the essay section of the paper void, while keeping the rest. But then again, 15 marks lost out of 55 is a lot, considering the fact that I was banging on essay.

Wait till I get the fella who reported me. He is so dead.


:: Sam 10:02 PM [+] ::
...

She bunned her hair. For me?


:: Sam 6:27 AM [+] ::
...

Make an Ass of Yourself.
quiz by Sol


:: Sam 6:25 AM [+] ::
...

Cold as ice
Cool as cucumber
She's my vice
My greatest desire


:: Sam 8:01 AM [+] ::
...

I quit.


:: Sam 1:02 AM [+] ::
...

During one of my usual, time consuming, net adventures blasting through thick hordes of online battledroids(read: link clicking) and various pingfalls and connection pitfalls(read:sucky connection), I stumbled upon something amusing. Hidden behind the site of an elvish garden(read: bright and colorful website) was, *gasp* a snake fan club!! Not just any live organic snake, mind you, but the snake.

Check out the cute lil image on the links area to get what I mean. So, just out of curiousity and boredom, I decided to join, haha. The pic don't look too right on the colore scheme, but I guess it'll do, I'll work on it later.

Someone just told me to get a new blog, one that provides comments system. Hmm, been considering it some time, but just too lazy to do it. I mean, the effort and time consumed... Never mind. Maybe later. Gee, seem to remember telling that to myself a year ago. Still, later, haha.


:: Sam 1:23 AM [+] ::
...

Screw the world. I didn't make it. Damn.

While we're at it, comments are gone again. It's a bloody conspiracy, that's what it is! And against me too!


:: Sam 12:28 AM [+] ::
...

Sigh. I declare that school officially begins today, and all merry making ceases now. Reality is back with a vengence, and not to mention lotsa homework too. I say this because today I have meet all the people I wanted to meet and all those that I don't. All in one day. And strange that they should come walking hand-in-hand, close as friends can be. The irony of it. Back to the days where half the people ignore me and nearly all, I ignore. Back. Where I don't belong.

Hmm, strange that I should start my day off seeing that pair. The pair that have gave me a great deal to learn from. The pair where one was once my friend, good as can be, and the other, a stranger. The pair that now one ignores me, and the other, much friendlier. Irony, irony. Life is full of it. I believe in omens. Do you? Perhaps it forbodes what is to be. The good shall turn bad and the bad, good. And both will come together, not one at a time, but all at once.

Friends should always remain friends. Why can't that be? I watched one of the best friendship I ever had crumble and disintegrate. A friend that can always make you smile is precious, and hard to find. I had it, for a moment. Now I've lost it.

Strangers should never remain strangers. Why can't that be? I still feel the distance despite efforts to get closer. A stranger that cares and concerns with you is rare, a gem. I may just have it. But out of what? Sympathy?

Relationships are complicated. Sometimes I'd rather be alone. Guess that's why I am most of the time. I'm too tired to try, and too used to bother. Oh well.

I'm lost. Save me.


:: Sam 5:15 AM [+] ::
...

Oh yes!! Don't I just love myself(though it has nothing to do with me...)? My comments function are back online!! Hahahahaha!! *suddenly realises that it now requires somebody to post* Darn. The limiting factor. Oh well, I gotta rush for dinner first. Will post later.


:: Sam 3:30 AM [+] ::
...

'What kind of Wing
are you?' by. Xera



:: Sam 10:39 PM [+] ::
...

Which Archangel are
you? by Xera


:: Sam 10:39 PM [+] ::
...

Kk, in another valiant, well-meaning, but futile attempt, I've decided to take the nick off my guestbook, and just call it guestbook!! Isn't that soooo ingenius? Now feel compelled and sign it!! Sigh... Why do I have this funny feeling that it's falling on death ears?

Failed my maths commontest today... Despite all the hardwork and effort put in last night(Ok, I know last minute work don't count for much, but hey!) I think I'm still not gonna make it, by my standards anyway... Even if I manage to miraculously pass, I've failed my own expectations. Couldn't do the paper properly... Sometimes, I wonder what's the point of all these? But nah, I shan't plunge into the education-is-a-miserable-waste-of-time rant, though it's true... Nah, today I shall just share something silly but nice all the same, to me at least.

Friends, are important things, especially friends you treasure the most. And while I don't normally treasure or appreciate many people, there is one's friendship I do cherish a lot. Perhaps it's because I can't very well get it, thus the temptation of the forbidden fruit. Or perhaps I really do treasure it, something special in that person that I identify with. Maybe it's just my hormones raging. Whatever the case, it really made my day last night when that unexpected call that I was always waiting for caught me by surprise. The best part, it happened not once, but twice. Twice.

Whatever the agenda prompted the call, it matters not. All that matters was that it was made. I heard the voice I've been longing for, and talked to the person I've been thinking of. Sounds like love, ain't it? Perhaps. But I'd rather not think of it that way. Let it remain as something else, something deeper, more pure, and without the tainted desire that has plagued me for the past few months. I already lost a few things precious to me, in a somewhat similar fashion. And I already lost this too. All I have left is hope. But, I'm letting that go too. Cherish the past, forget it, and move on.

Still, nothing is as easy as it sounds. I shall remember the words,"Thanks, you're a nice guy." for as long as my short-term memory allows. Call me shallow, pathetic, a fool. I am but a child inside, waiting for the smallest word of praise from anyone. Hungry for kind words, and ready to follow the offerer like a dog, all for a few simple words. How silly is that? But to hear those words means contentment for me. Enough to ease the yearning, for now. Enough to know that while all is lost, it has not gone to waste. Enough to know I am worthy of praise. Enough to go on.

Hurl whatever insults and taunts you have at me, and I will bare my teeth defiantly. But speak one word of grace, and I will be on my knees, begging to submit. Taming the shrew is not hard, it just requires patience, and subtlety.


:: Sam 10:14 PM [+] ::
...

Heyz, it's been a long time since I've been in a blogging mood again and actually have the time to do it. Sitting outside my block just now, I saw one of the new girls, the pretty one that has been the talk of guys recently. While I have absolutely no interest in her whatsoever, I can't help but remember the times I spoke to her and the instinctive desire to talk to her whenever I see her. The thing is, and an undeniable fact it is, is that we all love pretty things.

Indeed.

Everyone desires all that is perfect, nice, and beautiful, is it not? Even little children in school are quick to ostracise the fat little boy, or the ugly little girl. Humans are inexorably attracted to all that is pretty, and reject anything that is not. Thus the mad scramble for cosmetic surgery, make-ups, and the various fashion accesories.

Yet, there is one thing that cannot be hidden.

Amongst all this chaos, one overlooked fact has been sitting silently in the corner, waiting to pounce on the unwary. The emphasis has been too much on superficial appearances that character is often forgotten. Granted that an ugly person will still cause initial repulsion, but once we get used to it, character, if beautiful, will start to shine like a beacon, and attract us to it's warmth. However, all the technology in the world cannot beautify anything beyond skin deep. An ugly character will, in time, start to stink through all the glamour and glitz, and people will slowly start to realise, and move away.

As such, beauty is an important thing, it is the very basis in which humans interact with one another, whether one is better liked than the other, or well received than the other. Beauty is in essense, everything, in the world of relationships.

Sometimes I stare out and wonder, why is it that some of us must be invisible. I did not choose to be born unpretty, and I know not how to be pretty. All I can do is hide in that dark lonely corner, watching, waiting, hoping that one day I may discover the beauty that lies within.


:: Sam 8:12 AM [+] ::
...

Hmm... Juz read a blog or two, and wondered. What is a friend? Someone who is always there for you? Someone who gives his all for you? Or someone who will just always be that, a friend? I dunno... But for me, I will always be a friend, no more, but no less. That is regardless of distance or time. For me, absence does not make the heart grow fonder, not much anyways... But neither does time erode away what was made. Never. That is a promise I make. I am a friend.


:: Sam 3:36 AM [+] ::
...

No, it's not stress or anything. I just like the artwork.


:: Sam 5:47 AM [+] ::
...

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.




:: Sam 5:44 AM [+] ::
...

Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.
[Me.]


:: Sam 5:38 AM [+] ::
...

Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]


:: Sam 5:29 AM [+] ::
...

find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<º>



:: Sam 5:19 AM [+] ::
...

It's been a long long time since I wrote. Let me check, yupz, one month now... That's real sad... By now I've probably lost what little people that visit this site. Oh well, what the hell... Been a hectic month, finished campaigning for council and all, and now I'm an elect already, waiting to be invested. Things happen pretty quickly don't they? Sigh... Me brain dead for now... Nothing to say... Perhaps next time...

:: Sam 2:53 AM [+] ::
...

Phew... 2nd orientation is over. My, was it depressing. To be honest, there are good points to, but basically, I didn't do my job as an OGF well. My class was like so totally dead, I don't know why. Maybe it's because they already are like that, maybe my lack of enthusiasm and ability to gel with them, maybe both. But I do know I have failed completely when a 2nd intaker ran away from my OG to another OG, and was cheering loudly and having more fun for that OG!! Sad...

But on the bright side, I made some new friends... I can only be as responsive as the other party is, and fortunately for me, the OGFs are pretty much nice people... Most of them wish to join council, and I do too, but I think I kinda lost a few more potential votes after Orientation 2, and that pretty much reduces my already shitty popularity base to almost nil... Bleargh... Very sad... I don't want to run for council and end up getting no votes. OK, it's not that bad, but not getting voted in after campaigning is bad enough to me, and I don't want it to happen... Besides, my skin is not that thick, how to garner support?

Then there's hockey... Already some of the new people joining it are surpassing if not catching up with me in terms of skill... As for potential, I think I'm zilch. As much as I love sports, am as good as a pig attempting to face the sky (in case you don't know, they can't), that is to say, I'm no good at all... Of course there's always hardwork and training, but I'll be way too far behind that by next year, I may end up being only a so-so player, and get replaced by some hockey appeal student. Now that will suck man...

Ok ok, enough lamenting, I got an 8310!! Yeah, it's the only lovely thing... But then again, shall I talk about how it has no composer, takes hell a lot of steps to reply one message and then delete it, and blah blah blah?

Argh!!! What the HELL is wrong with this world?? Why is my good friend up there playing such tricks on me? Hopefully it's for a greater good? Please?? I beg you?? Don't do this to me...

The author has broken down into little pieces at this point, but fortunately has not started crying. Oops, did I speak too early? Oh ok, he's a blabbering idiot now. Perhaps he will go psychotic soon and the world will be a better place...


:: Sam 4:14 AM [+] ::
...

Sleep is good. Repeat after me: Sleep is GOOD... Good...

Case in Point: Before I took a nap, I was having a serious dilemma, to throw or not to throw (a tantrum, that is). All pissed off and hackles raised, I decided to pay a visit to wonderland to ease my troubled mind, and left my body lying somewhere in that bed of mine. When I woke up, ta-da!! I was all normal and cheery again.

But then again, it all started after I woke up in the middle of my 1st nap. Hmm... Waking up when you don't want to, makes you grouchy... Maybe the grinch should get more sleep. Hell hath no fury like a sleep unfinished.

(Btw, ever noticed the different sounds a handphone makes when it vibrates on different surfaces?)

Wait a minute... I'm digressing, back to the point. Anyways, sleep is good. It is the best cure for anything that you had previously, and will probably result in the opposite after you wake up. If you don't feel different, then get back to sleep again until you do. Sleep...
Sleeep... Sleeeep...

There is a loud snoring noise as the author gets up. (Wait a minute, I don't snore!!) Ok ok, a loud shuffling noise as the author stands up and sleepwalks back to his bed. Good night and good sleep. Hey, while you're at it, don't forget to dream of me too!! (Oops, I'm not supposed to let anyone know I'm writing this, am I?)


:: Sam 6:29 AM [+] ::
...

Hey, any guesses to who the dark lord is??

May the Force be without you...

Honestly though, it's still a weebit too bright, ain't it? But who cares, it's time to celebrate the first ever cam pic!! Hehe!!

Champagne bottles pop open, firecrackers in the sky, trumpets billowing, and whole lot more, blah blah blah...

Bleargh... Next time I shall make sure it's all dark, and the person isn't this one...


:: Sam 8:06 PM [+] ::
...

*You will update* Huh? Who's that? *You will update* Argh, get that voice out of me!! *UPDATE!!* Ok ok, don't shout in my head. *Write in proper English* Wha? *Deaf aren't you? I said - WRITE - IN - PROPER - ENGLISH!!* Yikes!! I get you, don't need to yell!! Demanding voice... mutter mutter... *Well dearie, you asked for it*

Alright, here I am, trying my best to update and write in proper English at the same time, not to mention having fried prawns stuffed in my mouth. maniacal laughter What's so funny? Don't laugh, I'm doing this for you OK?? *Yeah right* Anyways, what are you doing in my head? Am I really so stressed up that I'm imagining things, or are you so naggy that I can hear you despite being kilometres away?? *Could be both* Forget it...

Hmm... I detect a foreign presence here... Please identify yourself!! *She won't* How do you know? And how do you know it's a she? *Oh, I have my ways...* Dumb voice. Fine... While I'm at it, I might as well thank Hapie for linking me, yay!! *Pathetic* Hey, at least there's somebody who bothers, okay? Not like you... *Who says? I did! Once!* Big deal... *Hmph, ingrat... Who would want to visit you if you don't polish your English anyways?* I'm trying!! *Not good enough, besides, did I tell you that you're worse than suicidal?* So? At least I'm still alive... *Exactly the point!* What's that supposed to mean? *Go figure...*

Hey voice, just keep quiet for awhile will you? Let me have a few moments of peace... silence That's better... Ok, now that alien voices are banished... It's holidays!! Freedom!! Play!! Actually, I'm damn bored... Hmm, I think I may go gallavanting tomorrow... phone rings Hello? *Hey, I'm back!!* What? On the phone now? Sigh... Do you know how high my phonebill is?? *I don't care, you're the one who's paying. Anyways, can I come?? Please please?* Fine... Not like you're not already in my head now... Right, - *Don't you dare say it!!* Say what, - *Stop!!* Huh??

there is a slight pause as a barrage of unspeakable threats are hurled from the phone and onto various places on the author

*thwap* *slap* *slap*

author returns much later from Hell

Phew, that was scary... Didn't know Hell had telephones... Now I know that the dratted voice in my head is actually a little demoness... No wonder I've been having a streak of bad luck. Better rush all I have to say before it comes back. Okay, basically, we lost the debates finals. *Hahaha* Hey! Shoo! You're supposed to be still in Hell! *Too bad, I love tormenting you* I failed my 2nd interview... *Aw... Haha...* I'm still not in hockey team... *Slowpoke...* And I'm having no luck with girls... *Try demonesses?* You know, I could really do without those side comments, thank you. *My pleasure*

Argh... This is infuriating, I don't think I can finish this thing if you keep pestering me!! *That's my job*

the author loses his patience and begin tearing his hair and stomps off furiously not long after

By the way, he got through his interview, just that the powers-that-be missed his application, how unfortunate... But things have been rectified, and he is now accepted for his Orientation Group Facilitator post... All thanks to this little angel who is finishing his incomplete entry. Well, that's all for now, another round of update may come in a very distant future, depending on how long it takes for him to recover his sanity, or inanity, or insanity, whichever you prefer, to come and blog again...


:: Sam 3:50 AM [+] ::
...

Hello? Anyone in here?

Raps on the door

Can someone please answer me?

The sound of bolts unlatching is heard, and the dust covered door creaks open as centuries old cobwebs fall to the ground, torned.

I'm baaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!

Plays some kinda cool music here

Oh hi people, urm, I mean un-people, it's been like a really really long time since I last wrote, nearly one month in fact... So, how's everybody doing? Yes yes, I know you ghosts can't rightly answer, and I can't hear the reply anyway, but there's always a guestbook right smack at the bottom of the list of links for you to haunt. As for the rest of you misfits, you can always try to visit the poor house more often and keep it more un-lively...

A vampire bounds up and whispers something

Ah, I nearly forgot... Yes, my progress... I have gotten the results of my Ordinary Level experiments last year, and as you can see(or not see), out of the 8 horns I was supposed to grow on my head, I managed to make good specimens of 6 of them, while the other 2 are just a grade below! Thus giving me a beautiful 6 points to my name... Isn't that wonderful?

Same vampire hisses something again. An invisible force flings it violently against the wall.

NO, I shall NOT discuss the competition.

Crowd shrinks back in fear. One slightly gutsy zombie attempts to lift its loosely attached arms in vain.

Of course, of course, accomodation. I do not forget. A ripping sound is heard as the zombie successfully lifts its arms, detaching it from its body. We are staying put. No Apocalypse or blue dick or what so ever is going to budge us. I know some of you wish to head to the more run-down residence of the Rafflesian spirit, but I promise you it will be no better. Leave if you like. The rest who do not wish to suffer mysterious un-deaths will stay here.

A loud wail is heard from a wraith trying to sneak stealthily out, but is unfortunately and unhappily sucked into a vacuum cleaner

There, that just goes to prove my point. I mean, my points. As lord of the house, do not think you may do as you wish simply because of my long absence. One more piece of news. I have found a fair human maiden that has captured my eye. But humans, as we all know, are dangerous creatures, and this one even more so... But hunting is a game that we all, the stalkers of the night, must do, and this time, the prize is a deadly but beautiful one. Her blood will be worth the effort.

Whimpering comes from a werewolf nearby. The whimpering turns into a shriek of pure terror followed by a howl of pain and finally a ghastly silence, as pieces of what is left of the werewolf splatters all over the wall and the crowd, torned apart by yet another mysterious force.

Oh, by the way, did I forget to mention that cowards are not tolerated? Oops, my apologies. And now, it is time my comrades, for me to take my leave once more. Make sure that such lack of discipline is not seen when I next return.

Mad, evil laughter is heard as a bat flies out of the window and into the night sky

I'll be back.


:: Sam 5:16 AM [+] ::
...

One word: hectic. JC life is killing. I'm turning into a walking zombie. Switched off during all the lessons today... This is really bad man... I haven't had much time to do anything, yet, somewhere along the way, I managed to impress upon pple that it's stress-free. Weird.

Oh yeah, somebody thinks I'm cute... My senior, to be exact. And I thought I grew out of it... Still, at least I got something to hold on to now, a little morale booster while it lasts. Also, at least there's someone who's extra friendly enough to even call out to me from upstairs just to say hi, compared to the throngs of people that's been ignoring me. It's little things like this that brightens up my day.

Valentine's day. 3 gifts. How? I haven't the faintest idea what I'm going to get them. But all 3 know I'm getting something for them anyways, just wonder if one of them know I really mean it, hehe.

It surprises me that amidst all these madness, I can still find time for phonecalls, even when I'm dying. Granted it's not as often as before, but I guess it's what I look forward to at the end of the day. I dunno why, but I think I'm getting rather attached to the calls... I guess it's the little part of me inside that feels lonely and in need of comfort, haha... Or perhaps it's just the way I am, naive and immature, easily moved by things which mean nothing to others at all.

What with David gone and all, I'm really quite alone. I need new friends, and I need them fast. Company.

I miss the day when I was able to walk around and see familiar faces everywhere, and I yearn the day where I can look around everywhere and see your face. Love me.


:: Sam 6:48 AM [+] ::
...

We learned something interesting today, cinquains... It's a poem that has 2, 4, 6, 8, and then 2 syllables again. Then we were told to blow bubbles and get inspiration from them, how dumb. Niwaez, being the good boy I am, I did as told, and this is wat happened.

'Bubbles'

Bubbles
Out of nowhere
Like love between people
Beautiful while it lasts, but soon
Just pops.

Wrote another one after that.

'Bubbles' 2

Bubbles
Blowned happily
Just pops under the rain
Winking out of it's existence
Like life.

Man, the things people do when bored... Oh yeah, and the poet who invented it all was called Adelaide Crapney, haha.


:: Sam 2:38 AM [+] ::
...

Phew, JC life rocks man!! I'm so glad I choose AJ, and not NJ or TJ, as I hear they totally suck, big time! AJ is quite fun, with all the new friends, the cute gals, the ogling sessions, the horseplay, and studies. Haha, yeah, studies. It feels good to be on top again, y'know. Not that I'm showing off or wat of coz. Then there's things like debates and love poetry competition coming up, and now that I got a good source of inspiration, I think I've got a pretty good chance, hehe...

This year, I'm also getting a 'bad' habit, something I could never imagine myself doing a year ago... I'm actually busily chatting away on the phone for hours at one go. That is so not me. Now I'm afraid to get pple's phone numbers coz I'm afraid I'll be tempted to call them, or they'll call me... Phone bill is gonna skyrocket man...

One thing about JC life though, is image. That seems to be the keyword if you want to get popular. Image. Every little thing you do or not do affects how pple will think of you, whether you'll make it into class committee or councillor and whatnot. I don't really care at this point, so I'm kinda like projecting a carefree attitude, which is not too bad either, I guess... But as usual, pple are already forming bad impressions, or perhaps even an impression that I'm not, after all, I'm not a very impressive person.

Oh well, what the heck, I'm in AJ now, RI is behind me. I'm a simple, common, normal student now, no longer top 5% and whatever other rubbish that comes with RI. And that's all that matters. I'm back.


:: Sam 2:53 AM [+] ::
...

SG Gals...

Recently, or in fact, juz yesterday I read an article on Singapore women from the Straits Times, the heading being 'Singapore women fierce? So what?' The article btw, was written by a woman, which only goes to prove their ferocity from the oh-so-fierce/argumentative title... Juz kiddin, so dun bash me up. Niwaez, here's some extracts from the article.

'... Singapore women - especially those who are well educated - have become "hard".

They should learn to be more feminine, more accomodating and, yes, less career-driven, he said (author's friend). If they are career-minded, they should choose mates who are not, so that the men can play house-husbands. But then, career women obviously don't want losers.

"Two highly-stressed spouses can't add up to a peaceful home, with children well brought up," he said.'

'Recently, he began dating women from China. Clearly, they have made a big, positive impression on him.

One, in particular, is not only young, but also "stunning", gentle mannered and plays a mean guzheng.

She can not only read the Chinese calligraphy scrolls in his apartment, but also provide the context and stories behind the poems, whereas we Singapore girls burst into giggles trying to decipher the scrawls. And she's not a university graduate.

Women from Malaysia, especially from Sarawak, my friend observed, also out-score Singapore women in the feminine/gentleness stakes.

They are content to be housewives, tending to the kids while their Singaporean husbands work. And when the men come home, these women will not bombard them with 101 questions about their day.

He is not the only Singapore male to make this observation.'

'... spoke of "very attractive Malaysian girls" who would "hold their partners' arms over dinner and feed them. And look so totally contented."

He also related how a friend had this to say of Singapore and Chinese women: "Singapore women are no match for their Chinese counterparts because the latter know how to be feminine without being fawningly subservient, do take care of their male friends' feelings and are not out to put them down as if they need to prove something.

"A Chinese girlfriend will, without asking, peel prawns for you at dinner without even being self-conscious about it. She will not regard it as lowering herself, or pandering to the male chauvinist ego." '

'The columnist spoke of attractive, finacially-independant, professional Malaysian, Filipino and Japanese women who know how to pamper their Singaporean male fritends.

The column triggered a response from a Singaporean male who wrote in to Life! complaining about how "local women don't cut it."

He even gave his rating of women in Asia: "Malaysian gals are friendly and down-to-earth. Thai gals have grace and are charming and caring. Filipino gals have talent and are devoted. Indonesian gals are also charming and musically talented. Japanese gals have grace and spunk. Vietnamese gals are also graceful and devoted.

"And Singapore gals? Only look good on the outside because they'd use a tonne of make-up which gets washed off in the rain."

Well, well, well'

There you go, a take on the average Singapore gal. I tend to agree quite a lot with it, though I'm not saying that there are no nice gals at all either, coz there are always some, juz hard to find, hehe... But to be fair, being the righteous, reasonable and unbiased person I am, here's the second part of the article, the girls' side of it.

'... But, yes, the Singapore woman - especially if she is better educated - is a confident and assertive creature.

She is pragmatic and, hence, materialistic. (Money talks, right? Both Singapore women and men know that).

She is articulate (well, more so than the Singapore man) and will fight to defend herself and her loved ones.

She goes out to work and tries to excel in her career because (a) it is expected of her; and (b) the money she brings home makes life easier, for herself and those she loves.

She is frank and has no time for mind games, making her, in fact, naive at times. There is little pretence and guile. What you see is what you get.'

Blah blah blah... Ok ok, I'm too lazy to type out the rest, but I'll put in the conclusion...

'So, yes, the Singapore woman may not be the most charming and flirtatious of women, and she may not always make her man feel good.

Still, if you think about it, Singapore women show they care for their men by going out to work and helping to bring home the bacon, and often a large slice of it, too.

And when they are upfront about their feelings, they are actually showing respect for their men, for they are being honest. They are not treating men as idiots by trying to fool them through saying one thing and meaning another.

Now, if this isn't good enought for Singapore men, can you blame some Singapore women for turning to foreign men who can appreciate them for what they are?'

Hehe, the end!! Well, I'd say this is a darn good GP essay, if it were to be used as one. Well, all I can say is that this ends up with most Singaporeans getting with lotsa other foreigners but not themselves, haha... I dun dare to comment too much on this article, except that, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, heh heh...


:: Sam 1:34 AM [+] ::
...